We left Tuesday, March 10th and returned home Thursday, March 19th.
My life is forever changed.
My heart, broken.
Broken because we left a big piece of our hearts in Ghana...
With our two boys...
Who are not "legally" ours yet...
We have to wait a little longer.
I cannot begin to describe what I am feeling inside.
So very thankful for the body of Christ.
And a few other mamas who have adopted, whose words and understanding have been ever so instrumental to me at this time.
A small glimpse into the "inside" of me upon our return....
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Blood shot eyes for days due to so many tears coming from my eyes.
God doesn't put a limit on tears, I have found that out the hard way.
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Randomly looking at the clock, oh, say 100 times per day.
Thinking of what time it would be in Ghana right then.
And imagining what the boys might be doing at that very moment.
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Looking at the pics on my phone.
Over and over and over again.
Sometimes with smiles.
Sometimes with tears.
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Having to remind myself that this REALLY did happen.
It feels so surreal.
Still trying to "process" it all days later...
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Replaying saying goodbye in my head and feeling sick to my stomach.
As I gasp for air because the pain is so real.
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A sense of guilt from the trip.
While my mind knows this is all part of the process.
My heart aches.
We came across the ocean.
Strangers.
Befriended and loved on 2 little boys like crazy.
And, I believe, they began to love us back.
And then we left.
Just like that.
We left our little boys there.
Too little to understand or comprehend what just happened.
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I want them to know we ARE COMING BACK.
But, do they?
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Please Jesus...give me strength. Protect our boys. Give them peace and a sense of understanding beyond their years that their mommy and daddy WILL COME BACK FOR THEM.
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