"For this
child I prayed, and the Lord has
granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to
the Lord. As long as he
lives, he is lent to the Lord."
~1 Samuel 1: 27-28
I met with my mentor today. She's a wonderful woman in so many ways. Mostly I love the way she loves Jesus and pursues Him with all her heart. She pours into so many. She loves with a love that can only come from The Lord. And, she has taken the time to meet with me regularly, so I can gain wisdom from such a Godly woman.
Now, she would say she just loves getting together with others (yes, even me). It's who she is, but truth be told, there are only so many hours to each day. And as much as we would like to spend time with tons of people, that just isn't possible. So, I recognize how valuable time is and I am thankful she gives me some of hers.
I listen. I ask questions. She challenges me in my walk as a wife, mother, daughter of the King. We laugh. Share secrets. I soak up as much as I can in our short - monthly - window of time together. And I do not take it for granted.
She has been sending me scripture she is reading/studying. One being 1 Samuel. She educated me that many women in the Bible "waited" on The Lord for a child. Their wait was always fulfilled with a child, but not just any child. A child that had a heart for God. And a wait of patience that molded the women into who God desired them to be. Because no wait comes without teachable moments, without a molding of our inner selves.
Today, as we sat outside St. Louis Bread Company...it was warm, but we were shaded by the table umbrella. There was a slight breeze that made it feel just about perfect sitting outside (well, other than this one bug that just didn't want to leave me alone). ;) There is something about the outside...you just feel a little closer to the Creator of it all. Today, we opted for waters (instead of our usual coffee) and the conversation past quickly, soaring like the soft breeze beside us. So easy, so natural. She's one of a kind, that's for sure.
She read aloud to me the first chapter in 1 Samuel. I had recently read it and it was good to hear it again. With additional insight as she read through the verses.
In the end, she knows what I am feeling to long for this child. She, too, longed for a child. She knows the sadness and the pain in trying to be patient as you watch the clock tick all the while.
"Don't miss today, don't miss what's in front of you right now." This is what she told me. While all of us can say everything happens for a reason...we can also all admit that it doesn't sometimes come with some regrets or those "I wish I had done this instead..." At some point along her journey, she had to completely give it over to God. And she did. By His grace, she did. And she was more joyful because of it.
A lot for this mama to ponder. Have I given it to The Lord? Have I "truly" given this to The Lord? I pray. Every single day, I pray. But is my prayer in line with His will for my life? For our household?
When you are in this process for as long as we have been, you can't help but wonder. You can't help, but question things. "You only need to answer to Jesus". This was her reminder to me. Not to anyone else. Just Him.
My heart is weary. My heart is heavy tonight. My heart has a tug for the orphan that has always been and I believe will always be. But, what does God want me to do with this tug? My desire is to give this to Him. Lord,please hear the cry of my heart ... where you lead, I shall go.
